The Suburban Males are overall the "Average Joe" and the everyman in terms of personality, and they live fairly normal lives such as a filing clerk. They are some of the most common humans in the first game. They can be found in Rockwell and Santa Modesta.
- "Some people call me Joe Six-Pack. I don't know why, I never work out."
- "I love my new edsel, it's a classic in the making."
- "This reminds me of that one time I accidentally took that debutante home instead of my wife. Boy was that embarrassing."
- "You know, there sure is a lack of color in this town."
- "They wanna destroy our ways of life!"
- "We're under attack!"
- "SPACE INVADERS!"
- "I've got a golf club and I'm not afraid to use it!"
- "I just got married yesterday and now I have the seven minute itch. And I wanna scratch it baby, YOWZA! YOWZA!"
- "I've got to keep up with the Joneses! If only I knew who the Joneses are."
- "Damn kids, I never wanted them anyways."