The Suburban Females are found in Santa Modesta, and are the most common pedestrian encountered there on a normal alert status.
Most of them appear to be housewives and neighbours who appear to competitively dislike each other, and as such, show a very stressful inner attitude hidden beneath their bright exterior. They show an interest in Tupperware parties and are addicted to Valium. Unlike most characters in the game, they show a liking towards President Huffman and dislike Dwight Eisenhower.
- "If my kitchen isn't the cleanest and the shiniest kitchen in this whole town, I'll crush anyone who disagrees with me, with my dainty manicured fists!"
- "I love- I love- JAZZ! Oh the shame of it, Charlie Parker, how you have corrupted me."
- "The sexiest word in the English language? Tuperware."
- "Hmm, Bob never even looks at me anymore. Thank God."
- "Hmm, lovely lawn Judy, beautiful garden dear. You man-stealing, stuck-up witch!"
- "I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf!"
- "I like that Huffman, Ike is bald and shifty. Is is wrong to be so shallow?"
- "Have you gotten a look at my new brassiere? I could torpedo a U-Boat with these things!"
- "Now where did I put my kids?"
- "My husband will be here any minute."
- The attitude of the Suburban Females, as shown in their thoughts, may have been inspired by the characters of the wives in the satirical novel The Stepford Wives.
- They are voiced by Paula Tiso.